The Perfect Kiss: Review

The Perfect Kiss
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The trailer alone has already raised numerous eyebrows and prompted many questions. Having watched all 83 minutes of the film, I’m no wiser than most bewildered potential viewers. Yes, this film is really coming to theaters. Directed by the enigmatic Tina Adams, it was filmed in Canada, but what exactly is going on here?

As it turns out, being in Canada makes it impossible not to cross paths with Lucka Vondráčková, another Czech ex-pat. Together, they cobbled together this film with Canadian financing.

While I’m all for making dreams come true, this film is more of a nightmare. The script is incoherent. Had there been a competent dramaturge involved, this collection of random scenes would never have seen the light of day. Technically speaking, it hovers around the level of overseas B-TV, which might have been acceptable for domestic theaters, but pretty locations and snowy city parks alone do not make a good movie, especially when the camera seems lost.

From the very first scene, where Vondráčková crashes her car partially off-screen, we’re left scratching our heads, and it doesn’t improve. Her character, Tanya, is a clueless thirty-something living with her parents—who just so happen to be Russian spies. Her romantic life is a maze of bad decisions and worse partners. By the end, true love triumphs, but the path to it is nonsensical at best.

Oddly, although the film is awkwardly dubbed (Vondráčková does her own voice, but her performance in dubbing is far more committed than her on-screen acting), it’s being released in our theaters with an English title. The title, The Perfect Kiss, has almost no relevance to the plot, making it yet another illogical element in a film overflowing with them.

What’s even more vexing is the film’s outright inhumanity. All characters are profoundly unintelligent, and the women are additionally manipulative and conniving. Why must everyone be so mean-spirited and stereotypical? Any commentary on evil amounts to platitudes like, “I hate bullies because they’re despicable!”—a blend of absurdity and revulsion.

In conclusion, I’m awarding the film a begrudging two stars. First, because compared to other recent releases like Revizors, The Perfect Kiss at least meets some basic technical criteria. Second, the dialogues are so nonsensical that one could potentially enjoy this unintentional Dadaism if sufficiently inebriated. However, this might be the most generous second star I’ve ever given. My advice? Skip this film and hope for better overseas projects for Lucka Vondráčková in the future.

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